Words

Posted: February 25, 2010 in Uncategorized
This is the deal. I don’t write anymore. I can’t. It hurts. It makes me lose track of time and place and my senses. Feet get cold because I forget I’m not  wearing any socks. A trance takes place. It sounds all dramatic, it’s the truth. So deep, so dark, the places, people, experiences. To reach for them in places no one can see, requires strength I sometimes do not possess.

  

Life has been hard, there has yet to be THE happily ever after that my dear mom and dad assured me of. I willingly believed them, with all my heart. For they never lied. 

There is no story. There are pieces, fragments of mirrors, though broken, some still hold their reflectively. Shards, sharp as new needles, some embed themselves, never to be found, identified and removed. Hidden, from the naked  eye and capable of causing exquisite pain if and when provoked. 

A life lived, on everyone elses terms. A servant, a caregiver, a mother, a wife. There has been times of pure joy, those pieces are large and wiped clean of streaks. There has been devastation and grief, mirrored slivers too small to polish. No need for those to gleam. 

Anger, rage, revenge, ah, sweet release of all that is hot and terrifying.  Numerous betrayals caught in the net of forgiveness.

Ultimately, after much battering of the soul, peace, acceptance and gratitude. Humble thankfulness, that only one grabbed from the precipice of deaths wide open door could realize. Countless saves. Countless as infinity. Infinity as seen in a broken mirror. That is my life. 

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Comments
  1. Virginia says:

    Got here from twitter. Read this and loved it.

  2. Linda Adcock says:

    Bravo Sis – well said and I am so proud of you for sharing your talent to help others heal. It is a gift from God and He smiles when you use it to help others!!

    Peace love and big huugs to you!
    Love
    Sis

  3. Kristen Heard says:

    absolutely blown away. had no idea this was in you! you have been blessed with a gift. you make me want to write again! love, love, love it….keep going girl! love you! =-)

  4. I’m so glad that you are here. Each fragment I’m sure will help reflect your inner light for all of us to see. Those who have posted above me have been far more eloquant than I could be but they echo my sentiments. I look forward to reading more

  5. dh127 says:

    {crying} Oh, Joanne, your words tear open old wounds in my own heart. If there is but one small piece of your mirror left, it will still shine like a beacon or a star, letting everyone know that here is love. You are SUCH a loving, warm, incredibly funny, and kind-hearted soul. I adore you, dear lady. It is a joy to see you express yourself, even knowing it causes you such distress ~ experiencing it now myself, I have to believe that as difficult as the process is, reaching the other side it is worth it. I know that we, your readers, will treasure every word. *hugs* Dani

    • joannefirth says:

      Dani, mirrors have so many facets when they are broken. Like us, women who dare to love and dare to open our hearts. We risk more that we realize. Like soldiers on the front line, we sometime fall victim to our pure intent. Cherish the tears, tears are warm and salty. Warm to bring comfort and salty to remind us where they have been. Thank you for reading and feeling. Bear hugs.

  6. Caroline says:

    Joanne,
    You made me tear up (something I rarely ever do) and smile and want to give you the biggest hug (both for comfort and because I think I understand). That is what writing does, it brings out emotions that we didn’t know we had or were not willing to bring out on our own. It makes us feel that we are not alone, that there is someone out there who gets it. That is writing at its best, and I believe that you have just done that, so you do write.

    Hugs to you, I wish we lived in the same town/state whatever, I think, no I know you are one of the best reasons for me being on Twitter. To meet people like you has been great and has enriched my life so much!

    Thank you for sharing, I do hope that a) you write here and b) you get some relief, enjoyment – catharsis from the journey.

    Caroline ;o)

    • joannefirth says:

      Caroline, it’s all good tears. Tears of strength and survival. We shall embrace eachother and know that no matter what, we will end up winners and very happily ever after. Thank you!

  7. judy says:

    It’s therapeutic sometimes. The writing. I still write morning pages almost every day and I’m amazed at what I uncover.

    I’m proud of you for putting this up. I think you do have a story to tell, and the words to tell it. And lots of loving eyes to read it.

  8. Joanne says:

    Ok….bring it! Love Joanne

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