Rebar

Posted: January 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

My spirits have been high the past two days, my gut tells me maybe they are a little bit too high. I’m one of those “waiting for the other shoe to drop” people. Wary of joy and happiness. Wary of that content, relaxed, all is well feeling. For good reason too. It wears off. Sometimes with a bang or a problem that can overtake all other thoughts, chasing the good stuff away. Reality.

Overall, I’ve had a good week. It started with confusion and disappointment. Hoops to jump through. Fear, discouragement, wanting to give up. Frustration and anger that I could not vent appropriately to the responsible individuals. Muttling through, lying low until I felt confident and safe again. Prioritizing things I needed to take care of. Making phone calls, explainations and being asked countless questions I didn’t have the answers to. Four days later, everything is set in place. My needs either have or are going to be met by the people who need to meet them. The panic has died down within me. What seemed insurmountable and overwhelming on Monday is now contained within a schedule I can handle. It was a lot of work and I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for following through.

Life goes full blast whether you have an illness or not. The world does not slow down long enough to integrate a complete life change and new set of responsibilities that can consume ones entire life. Shit happens. There is no free pass so you can glide through, unobstructed tending to your needs above all others. It’s more like being tossed to sharks, sink or swim and all that. What I am learning now, more than ever before, is to stay in the moment and not look too far ahead at any given time. I’m well aware the sharks are out there, hungry but for right now, in this very moment, I’m ok.

Deep breaths, pulling back when it gets too much, protecting myself from anything that may potentially push me beyond my limit, all helps. Once I make it through, I reflect and allow myself the feeling of accomplishment. Reinforcing myself, like rebar in a cement foundation. Taking away a tiny piece of strength so that foundation will continue to hold me up when those sharks get restless again.

January 21, 2011

Coventry CT

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Comments
  1. LunaJune says:

    one day at a time
    one moment at a time
    and know the raft of supportive love is here

    • I feel that support every day June and continue to be humbled by it. For me, now, one day at a time is working and sometimes, one moment at a time works even better. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your special wisdom. ❤

  2. dani says:

    You go, girl! I know you have the strength and determination to get through anything. I wish you could just relax and have half-naked men fanning you and feeding you chocolate-covered cherries…. hmmm… I wish I could have that, too! Anyway, life isn’t always, if ever, a bowl of chocolate-covered cherries. Keep going, bunny. *Huge Hugs Full of Love & Gratitude* Thank you for being my friend. ♥

    • Our day will come hunny, I don’t know about the half naked men but the chocolate-covered-cherries sound pretty dang tasty. I love your spirit and zest for life. Your sense of fun and especially your trademark Big Squishy Hugs. I have been on the receiving end of many of those hugs during this past year Dani and am so spoiled now I can’t imagine not having them. Thank YOU for being my friend. You rock big time. ❤

  3. juliemangano says:

    Sounds like you’ve worked out a great system that helps you keep everything under control. I loved this part:

    “What I am learning now, more than ever before is to stay in the moment and not look too far ahead at any given time. I’m well aware the sharks are out there, hungry but for right now, in this very moment, I’m ok.”

    Great advice.

    • Though the system doesn’t work all the time, I do try to gain a little bit of strength and confidence with each rough patch I get through. Thanks Julie, I know you have a lot on your plate right now, the fact that you took the time to stop by and comment means the world to me. ❤

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